I still find it amazing that certain things can evoke such strong memories for ourselves. Never knowing when something, someone, a picture, a smell or anything good or bad will again fill our heads and therefor affect our emotions, which we have no control over, I sometimes wish we did as laughing in an assembly, crying in the cinema or laughing in the library can be a problem…that’s just a few examples, I am sure you have lots more. We can control to a degree how we express these emotions and I guess it’s like pushing something in a jar and getting the lid on it and turning it so it won’t come out. The emotion is still in your head, how long will it stay there? No answer to that as we all deal with memories in our own way, happiness is a good one we all like to remember happy times. I have a lovely one for when I go in a garden and smell Lilly of The Valley, it takes me right back to where I lived as a child standing by the back door and seeing them all growing to the left, the smell hitting you as you stepped out into the garden. I can vividly see everything in that memory and it makes me feel happy but is that all? It should be, but then I get the feeling of sadness as I cannot go back there to the garden and my grandparents.
Yesterday is a memory, we create them good and bad. It’s the bad memories that are hard to deal with, some people finding it harder than others. Just forget about it, people say but can you when you are hurt, troubled or upset about them? So then a memory is affecting your tomorrow, how do you stop that? For some people the memory controls their lives, it’s always there, you cannot get rid of it, it’s upsetting. How to control your mind? Is that possible? You can start by pulling the memory apart, for instance. Why are you upset? Is it wrong to be upset? Only you know the answers but what I have learnt is that yes a lot of times it is ok to feel sad, angry, scared or what ever emotion it brings to you. It is ok, most people would think yes that would make me feel sad. The memory made you feel really scared, is it ok to feel scared? Yes, most people would feel scared so it is ok.
We do not feel the emotion of compassion for ourselves, we have to learn it. Once you start thinking about yourself and looking after yourself it helps. An example, you are in a car sitting in traffic singing along to the radio. BANG the car behind hits yours! Damage to cars, exchange address you drive off, neck hurts, your shaking. You get home take tablets and lay down after a couple days luckily your neck is ok.
You get ready to go to the shop feeling fine, you step out of the house and look at the car and panic, you feel sick, you can’t breath, your crying as you run inside the house. This happens for over a month, friends, family keep saying “just get in the car, you’ll be fine, stop worrying” etc etc
STOP, you were in an accident, it’s ok to feel scared to get in your car. It’s ok to feel frightened that it might happen again. It’s ok to be upset about it.
You know how you feel, not everybody else. Be compassionate to yourself, let yourself feel ok to the feelings. Have compassion for you.
I learnt this only a little while ago and it has helped me immensely, I am not wrong for having these feelings. It has helped me as I haven’t had a panic attack since learning to be compassionate for myself. I’m not saying this is the answer for everything but you do not know till you try these things and when I learnt about it I then started to understand myself a little bit.
I have another good memory that came to me very unexpected yesterday, I was looking through Pinterest….I love it and think I am a tiny bit addicted to it, you should try it.
I saw this picture and it is the exact same jewellery box that my Nan had, my Uncle bought it home for her when he was in the Navy. I used to play with it and get all her jewellery out and dress up with it all.
I was always asking Nan for it and when I got older she used to say that one day it would come to me. I grew up and then my daughter played with the jewellery box just like I did and she loved it. Happy memory…..sad memory, my Uncles wife took the jewellery box and I have never seen it again. It’s ok for me to have these feelings even a bit of anger in there, I am compassionate to myself, I still have all the feelings but its ok to have them even if I cry, it’s OK.